What Wives and Husbands Want Most

D. Charles Williams, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Of all the things you expect from your spouse in marriage, what is most important to you? If you ask a dozen different couples, you may get two dozen different responses yet they usually are a variation of two common themes.  Women need consideration and men want respect.

What is “consideration” to a wife?  When a woman is made to feel she is the most important person in her husband’s life (not an after-thought), she feels loved and affirmed.  If he treats her in a considerate and kind manner (instead of impatiently), she feels safe and secure. When she knows he is going to place her needs above or equal to his own, she will trust that his intention is to consider her best interests (even if she doesn’t agree with his decision).  If he tries to understand her feelings (even if he doesn’t relate to them), she will feel he cares for her. These are the “little things” that make a wife feel considered and ultimately valued.

What is “respect” to husband?   When he feels that he is “the greatest” in her eyes, he will want to do his best for her. If he knows that she admires him for the man he is, he will always want to please and never disappoint her. When he hears her admiration for his qualities (rather than focusing on his faults), he will want to change to be the best he can be. He needs his wife to be his greatest fan and not his worst critic.

A wife who genuinely feels special to her husband or a husband who gets respect from his wife, experience an ever-deepening partnership of trust, commitment and love.

Who could want more than this?