RETURNING TO THE NEST

D. Charles Williams, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

In recent years the phenomenon of young adult sons and daughters returning home to live with their parents has become a societal concern. If you have a GenXer, a Quarterlifer, a Twixter or a twenty-something young adult who has come back to the nest, you may be encountering some challenges you never anticipated could occur at this time in your life. Here are some recommendations for older parents and their adult children:

First, clearly emphasize that the return is a brief, temporary arrangement with a purpose.

Secondly, identify specific objectives the young adult has for moving home upon which you both mutually agree.

Next, spell-out in writing, the financial arrangements and expectations. What compensation is fair to the parents? Is your young adult paying rent, utilities, food, etc? They will be more inclined to become independent sooner if it is costing them something.

Do not overlook making a list of responsibilities they are expected to handle while back at home. Your home is not a hotel complete with a maid and room service.

Finally, it is more than reasonable to expect your young adult to abide by “the rules of the house” as your routine is being temporarily interrupted. Unknown visitors or friends should not be brought to your house without the opportunity of your giving it prior consideration.

The primary objective of returning home is to help that young adult stabilize, get on their feet, become independent and live on their own once again. If they have been dawdling for a year or more in your residence, it is time to take action and establish deadlines.

Your empty nest should be a place they can return to visit you briefly and then leave to celebrate their successful re-entry into life and adulthood, not a place to hide and avoid life’s challenges and responsibilities.