SUGGESTIONS FOR EFFECTIVE COUPLES’ COMMUNICATION
Susan K.
(770) 668-0350 ext. 223
Communication difficulties are often cited as being a significant issue by couples in counseling, and partners report that these difficulties create a good deal of frustration and negativity. The sources of communication problems are often complex, and changing communication patterns may involve individual and relational changes on many levels. Nevertheless, during the upcoming months, I will be offering some concrete suggestions for increasing the effectiveness of communication between partners. While these suggestions are primarily aimed at couples, some of the suggestions may also be helpful in improving communication between individuals in other relationships, such as parents and children.
The first suggestion is to set the stage for effective communication. Sometimes discussions fail before they begin because one partner is not “prepared” to talk about an issue. He or she then responds defensively or sabotages the discussion. A way to minimize this problem is by having the partner who wants to discuss the issue state “I have an issue I’d like to discuss. When can we talk?” The other partner can choose to discuss it at that time or say, “I don’t feel like discussing it now, but we can discuss it at such and such time.” It is very important to note that the partner who is being asked to talk about an issue must give a specific time (within a 24-hour period) in which the issue will be discussed. In this way both partners will hopefully be more ready to communicate with each other productively. When there are ongoing issues to discuss, sometimes it is also helpful to have a specific “meeting time” set up for discussions.