Susan K. Bertelson, Ph.D.

(770) 668-0350

In my previous article, I discussed a method for setting the stage for effective couples’ communication.  In this article, I wish to present strategies that can help couples deal with communication issues once a discussion has begun.

The first strategy is to recognize when your emotions are beginning to get out of control and make deliberate efforts to calm down.  Then take a break from the discussion and do something to soothe yourself mentally and physically.  Some people take a walk or use muscle relaxation methods to relax physically.  In order to relax mentally, it is important to consciously modify negative or distress maintaining thoughts about the partner or the discussion to soothing or objective thoughts.

The second strategy is to genuinely attempt to understand your partner’s concerns.  This does not mean that you have to agree with your partner, but it is important to try to empathize with his or her feelings about an issue.  If you can then send the message that you understand why your partner might feel a particular way about an issue, the chances of having a productive discussion are greatly increased.

The third strategy is to practice the first two strategies repeatedly.  As these strategies can be considered skills, they should be rehearsed frequently so that they become a natural part of your communication pattern with your partner.