Marsha B. Sauls,
Ph.D.
Adolescents are in a life
cycle that requires them to adapt to the world. They must learn to get
along with and be accepted by people outside of the family, both adults and
peers. Healthy adolescents do this in a way that leads to positive choices and
outcomes in their lives.
To an adolescent, self-esteem means being accepted in a peer
group. Socialization is the main priority for an adolescent. This means an adolescent will prioritize clothes, talking and being with friends, and being seen in the right places. Adolescents will fight
with parents to be with peers. If the
peer group is positive, positive things
such as, planning for college, being active in athletics or music,
having a job and having good clean fun
will be prioritized. If the peer group
is negative, negatives such as, staying out or away from home, seeing
parents as “the enemy”, or developing an entitled attitude of not having to
earn privileges or be supervised will
be prioritized.
Healthy adolescents have to deal with how they are going to handle a society that
is over sexualized and has drugs and alcohol readily available for
teens. They talk about this among themselves and make decisions about how to
make choices. Healthy peer groups make healthy decisions. Research shows that
people eventually behave like their peers.
Adolescents do listen to their parents. What a parents says is a boundary they bounce back and forth over. If there is no boundary the kids get lost.
Attitude is an important indicator of what is happening to a teen. The degree to which an adolescent has an attitude of entitlement and a belief that parents do not have the right to be involved in the teen’s life determines the level of difficulty a parent will have with their teen.